I’m scared of dying
As readers of this blog will know I am scared of dying. Not just a fleeting thought about dying every now and then, but proper panic attack, hot sweats scared.
It’s an actual phobia as well. I’ve not worked out yet whether or not this makes me feel better about it but it certainly makes me feel like I’m not alone.
I suffer with thanatophobia – the death phobia. I talked about how my fear of dying as I approach 40 has become stronger over on my blog but actually since then a number of things have happened which have impacted on me in different ways;
I think I’ve coined a new term. Taking a Face-break. If there was an urban dictionary definition for this it would be:
Face-break – Taking a break from social media sites such as Facebook to remind oneself the world is not all a bad place full of trolls, bad news and that there is more to life than scrolling through someone’s holiday photos.
Now before anyone shouts at me for calling out the holiday photos, that is actually one of my favourite things on Facebook. I love seeing pictures of my friends off having fun, and going to places. However I can literally spend hours looking at Facebook. You know, you log on with a cup of tea, have a scroll and two hours later, you’re still there watching a racoon submerge itself in a bowl of cereal wondering where your life went.
Yes! This is a breakthrough! I’ve actually started referring to myself as being middle aged without breaking into tears/a cold sweat/shivers.
I mean technically I am 39. I may live beyond 78 but I may not. So technically I am middle aged . It’s a fact. So why has it been so so hard for me to accept and come to terms with? It’s just a term, a couple of words. Why did I get myself all in a spin about it?
Well before I ponder that, I’m not alone. The Office for National Statistics in the UK reports that 40- to 59-year-olds are the most anxious age group. At 39 I’m headlong hurtling into statisticsville. So to identify whether I am likely to be the owner of a full on midlife crisis, I have found an article on the 40 signs of a midlife crisis ( must be true then) to identify if I am full on mid life crisis ready.
I don’t know if like me you come to a halt sometimes and ask yourself why you feel quite so crap? You’re tired, your skin is all puffy and pink, you are slothing around eating things that aren’t good for you and then you wonder why you feel awful? You think back to the last time you relaxed, or didn’t rush round doing things for other people. You can’t actually remember when you did something that relaxed you, or truly nourished you. Do nourishing and depleting activities feature on your radar?
Following on from the last blog about what is mindfulness, it feels natural to me to look deeper into definitions of mindfulness and mindful living.
So for this post I am going to turn to the masters, the experts, the people who say it better than me. They will define mindfulness for us through video and word. I want this post to be a curated collection really of those different views of what mindfulness is. A reader commented on my last post that mindfulness is different for all of us, and this collection of definitions definitely shows us it is. Hopefully if you’re new to mindfulness you’ll find one that resonates for you, drop me a line in the comments about anything that speaks to you.
I’m in the process of writing a number of articles, books and workbooks about mindfulness and mindful living, and each time I seem to come back to a hurdle: what actually is mindful living? what is mindfulness? How do I explain these ideas to someone who’s maybe only heard them in passing, never heard of them, or heard of them a few times but has no idea what they actually are?
If you read my blog regularly you’ll know I am a fan of the simple life now which is the culmination of a few years of scaling back from living in London, the biggest of big UK cities. I now live in a rural setting- not too far from York (in the North of England for any of my lovely international readers who haven’t heard of it) with all it’s amenities but in a little village surrounded by fields, and you can hear the cows mooing in the morning, and the swallows or bats swoop over your head depending on the time of day. Continue reading “How to lead a simple life if you live in a big city”
OK so it probably doesn’t come as any surprise to you that we’re not immortal right? We’ve all got to die sometime. However when you’re in your teens and 20s that fact feels far away: You’re too busy concentrating on living life, making career moves, doing crazy stuff. Even as you move into your 30s you’re likely to be focusing on relationships, the next power move at work, maybe nesting with a new partner, or creating a family to be too worried. Then suddenly 40 starts creeping up and so does the thought you could be over halfway through this life you’ve created and strived for? Anyone else get the cold sweats? OK warning here, I’m going to be talking about death.
Hands up who washes up, on cleans the house and vacuums the car when they have something important to do? (My hand shoots up high at this point). Hands up who finds they’ve spent three hours on social media when they had a blog post to write, a piece of work to do or have promised themselves they’ll get round to something you really should have done ages ago? (Hand shoots up a bit higher). So hey we all procrastinate at some time, but according to the leading experts on procrastination 20% of us are chronic procrastinators. This would be those of us who put bills in a drawer, who never get the important stuff done, and who never ever buy a gift on time. But why do we procrastinate?